It was the summer of ‘17. My heart was broken. I was a mess. My head was foggy. I couldn’t think straight. I felt upside down. I'm so glad that's in the past.
Looking back, a lot of this period of my life is a blur. I just remember not being able to function at work and not being able to sing. What I do remember is that by some miracle, I was still able to get myself to my dojo to practice Martial Arts.
Every Summer we do a weapons seminar. This year in particular was Butterfly Swords. I remember feeling so excited and thinking how badass this was going to be but the swords were so heavy that I was majorly intimidated.
The form was tough. But I remember something about it feeling intuitive to me. Maybe this was the weapon that chose me. I remember building so much strength and this seemed to translate to internal strength.
I went from feeling super rejected to feeling confident. Like I was worthy and good at something. In one class, my teacher even had me demonstrate the form by myself in front of the class. I remember feeling special and I remember how foreign that feeling was for me at that time.
Jump to present time, to this day I still try and practice my swords every Sunday. For me they will forever be a symbol of perseverance. They will always remind me of a time where I wanted to give up on everything. Where I didn’t have enough energy to care. When depression had fully taken over the entire fiber of my being. And yet. I continued. I had one thing that excited me. That reminded me that my fire hadn’t died out entirely.
I hope that if you’ve gone through something that rattled you and turned your world upside down that you decide to keep going. I know it feels horrible and that you’re deep in quick sands but tides do turn. I hope you can find a glimmer of sparkle in my story and maybe you can relate.
It gets better.
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