After diverting my focus to fashion, I've realized that everything I encounter in my life will always comes back to #mentalhealth.
We have a lot of catching up to do, don't we? It certainly is a weird time. By weird I guess I mean both scary and uncertain but that has become the new normal. However, I think if we get consumed by this, we lose the opportunity to see all the beauty there is that still exists in the world around us and also amongst the depth within us.
As someone who has been exploring over the past few years and not quite knowing the next steps I’m going to take, I’ve grown to become more comfortable within the chaos. Now, this isn’t ideal for me but it is a practical skill. As someone who battles anxiety on the regular, I’m always striving to find internal and external peace. But I like to hold space for, and appreciate the fact that without chaos there wouldn’t be any tranquility.
Over the past few years my blog has gone from fashion, wellness, mental health, back to fashion again and now back to mental health again and I think I'm recovering from whiplash because of it. The content of my blog is driven by what is going on in my life personally and what life lessons I am going through. Though I can no longer dress-up every day to take photos, I can always deliver authentic content related to mental health because that is my constant. And yes, this millennial is absolutely transitioning over to video content and I have to let go of my perfectionism and embrace the messiness that comes with picking up a new skill. It could get ugly but it could get beautiful. The point is, I'll never know until I try but one thing is for certain, I will never be able to help those in a similar position if I am stifling my voice by hiding.
After leaving my position in property management and taking a break from my blog for about three years, I didn’t have a plan. Sometimes when your intuition is screaming at you, you have to bite the bullet and just go with it even if you’re not certain how you’re going to make it work. I don’t doubt that I made the right choice but the journey to come would definitely still bring about both familiar challenges and different challenges than what I’ve struggled with in the past. Multiple opportunities for growth and self-reflection, but admittedly brought about by dark periods of stagnancy. In addition to an element of self-over protection.
In 2019, I got off my medication that I was taking for anxiety and depression. I was on the lowest dose of Zoloft possible. My doctor called it a child's dose. I traded meds for a therapist and have been working with one over the past three years. But now I am embarking upon a new journey, and entering a new era, if you will. My villain era where I will be prioritizing and enforcing my boundaries.
My mental health is certainly not as bad as it was a few years ago but when I do struggle with my bouts of it, it’s incredibly destabilizing. However, I have a few more tools now than I did and I plan to continue to search for even more tools in the future.
As you can see I am a brunette now. Though hair color can seem frivolous to some, to me it feels spiritual. My self-expression has changed and I feel as though I am entering a period where I am embracing my most authentic self more than I ever have. All this being catapulted by my going back to my natural hair color. (Future blog post on this topic coming soon) From that I’ve felt inspired to wear less make-up, dress more comfortably and do things that make my life easier, while also staying true to who I am.
But the through line here, throughout all this change, throughout all this uncertainty, is mental health journey. Though I will always love and adore fashion, trends come and go, but mental health is something that I will deal with forever. I’ve become so inspired by the things that I’ve gone through lately and over the past few years that I feel empowered to post again. I feel as though I have a healthier boundary with social media even though it is something I’m insanely addicted to. I decided that if I was going to be on it anyway, I needed to create more than I consume and use it as a medium to speak my truth while simultaneously helping others going through similar things. The goal isn’t to gain the most followers or the most likes and comments. The goal is to establish a safe and uplifting community of mental health warriors who are changing the world by overcoming their struggles and inspiring others to do the same.
So thank you for sticking through my re-branding and for still supporting me. For those who have not given up on me, my content, my presence and existence in the world, I thank you. For those who are just starting to get to know me, welcome and I hope you enjoy the ride.
I am so looking forward to sharing my deepest wisdom that has bloomed from my deepest struggles again. I have absolutely felt a piece of myself missing these last few years from being a wall-flower and a bystander even though sometimes those phases are incredibly necessary. I am so excited to share my story and perspective because my voice matters. And so does yours.
May we continue to embrace our individuality and be grateful for all past experiences, as they’ve made us who we are today.
Until next time,
Your forever Scarab,