Nothing but happy tears for me this year but celebrating birthdays with anxiety and depression always comes with an emotional cycle then a release.
IT’S MY BIRTHDAY!!!
And when you have anxiety and depression it doesn’t stop for birthdays or holidays. This post is for my drama queens but also for my baddies who choose to overcome difficult emotions on important events, like birthdays! The above video describes the stages of celebrating a birthday when you have anxiety and depression. This year, I'm crying only happy tears and am already having a better birthday than last year. But birthdays are always a mixed bag. Inconsistent and you just have to focus as much on gratitude as you can. As there is always, always, always so much to be grateful for.
If you find yourself feeling moody or emotional on your birthday you're not alone and there's nothing wrong with you. Did you know that it is super common for anxiety and depression to become exacerbated when your birthday rolls around? This is because your birthday is like your own person New Year. You get anxious as you take stock of all you’ve accomplished, or not accomplished. You compare yourself to other people’s achievements and what they’ve accomplished by your age. And this starts to make you feel sad. Because comparison is the thief of joy, after all.
Not only that, but planning a birthday can be completely stressful!! Personally one of my biggest nightmares, as I spiral over details who to invite worry about people being left out. People pleaser shit. And being the center of attention (especially when everyone is singing to you) can sometimes be weird for some people but I kind of like it. Then there’s the fear that people won't remember (*lol makes super dramatic birthday video only to receive an incredible amount of love and support* lol) or it won’t live up to the insane expectations that society has placed on it by having be the best day ever!
Can birthdays just calm down for a second? And can we normalize all different types of birthday celebrations without pressure? That being said, it’s totally ok to have a mini meltdown or mental breakdown before you are able to celebrate and have fun. It's ok to cry tears of joy because you are overwhelmed with the kindness and love, or cry because your hormones are raging, and it's ok to cry tears of disappointment because someone or something let you down. I've experienced both!
Birthdays in and of themselves, are so emotional!! And can be super cathartic if you let yourself release all that emotion. And it’s your party so cry if you want to, baby! But don't forget to celebrate the amazing uniqueness and individuality that is YOU.
I’m personally the happiest and in the best place I’ve been mentally in a while (which as I'm typing this is already giving me an emotional response) as I enter my 33rd year and I absolutely can’t wait for all the immense joy, adventure, promise, success, connection, community, power and love that it will entail. Thank you for reading this and for all the love and support, you have touched my heart and I'm so eternally grateful.